Give Love a Chance [Willow Springs 1] (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 5

  “I hope you are hungry, Noelle!” Polly exclaimed. The food was on the table already, and Noelle felt her stomach rumble. She had worked through lunch because she knew her stomach was twisted in knots from nervousness. Chance held out the chair for Noelle to sit. The table was small and round. A vase filled with sunflowers sat in the middle.

  “Noelle better have brought her appetite, or I will have to eat all of it. Can’t waste food, right, Mom?” Chance teased.

  He pulled the chair out for his mother. “That’s right, dear,” Polly replied, sitting down.

  After they served their plates, Chance told them about his new job. Noelle was glad he kept up the conversation. She listened to his enthusiasm and found herself smiling and relaxing. She answered Polly’s inquiries about how her store was doing. She had been in there a few times and bought a few items. It was a relaxing atmosphere, and she was happy it was going so well.

  Polly looked at them once they were finished with dinner. “I have bingo tonight. I hope I win. I am bringing my lucky scarf.”

  Noelle smiled. “I still have to go one day to see what all the excitement is about.”

  Noelle turned to Chance. “My neighbor Evelyn never misses a Wednesday. She says it is the highlight of her week. Her husband has his poker night, and she has her bingo. She has made me curious about the game.”

  “You should come with me. It will be so much fun. I would enjoy getting to know you better, Noelle,” Polly assured her. She went on to tell them some funny stories about her experiences with the game. She had a lot of friends that went with her, and they always had coffee afterward.

  Polly looked at the clock on the wall. “I must go and change. Helen is picking me up soon.”

  Noelle and Chance insisted they could clean up after dinner so Polly could change her clothes.

  Noelle felt that familiar ache begin to spread throughout her body at standing so close to Chance at the sink. Her stomach did a few flip-flops. Memories of them kissing ran through her mind, and she had to push them away. They were friends for now. Noticing how attractive he was did not help her stick to her guns about not dating him again. She was afraid of being weak and jumping right back into a relationship with him.

  “I’m glad you are here tonight, Noelle. I missed you. I have picked up the phone all week to call you, but I promised you space,” he commented sincerely. He had his hands in the soapy water as he washed the dishes. Noelle stood next to him with a towel, ready to dry them.

  “I really did have a headache last night. I took some tablets, and I was out like a light. Also eating in town is not something I can handle right now.” She hated sounding weak, but she also wanted to be honest with him. “I have gotten used to hiding from the gossipers. With you back in town, I know some busybody would come up to us to mention Carly and whatever fantasy she is building up. People looked at me as if I tore you and Carly apart. It was worse than some backwards Romeo and Juliet story.”

  She waited to see if he would mention running into Carly or searching her out too, but he didn’t.

  “My mom told me how awful it was, even for her. She tried telling people Carly was full of it.” He spoke seriously. “I’m sorry my mistake caused such drama. I should have ran after you that night. Chase and Hank filled me with coffee to sober me up. It was morning by the time I sobered up, and I didn’t have much time left before I had to be on the bus and headed back to base.”

  Noelle dried off the glasses and set them on a rack. She stayed silent and let him talk. Chance had never been much for talking.

  “I didn’t think a five-minute phone call, or a letter, was the right way to talk things out,” he told her, looking serious. She could see his point of view.

  “I probably wouldn’t have opened the letters, Chance. I just don’t know what I would have done. Just recently, I have felt like I am finally better emotionally.”

  Chance sighed. “Maybe I should have tried harder to talk to you. I drank a whole pot of dark coffee, but when I finally made it to your house, Quinn was guarding your door like some kind of dragon breathing flames.”

  His expression was still frustrated. She laughed. Quinn could be her fiercest protector.

  “Quinn and I have been friends since kindergarten, Chance. Everyone knew how my parents were always out partying instead of home with me. Kids are cruel. I got bullied a lot, and Quinn defended me. She is still like that. I wouldn’t have made it this last year without her.”

  “I am glad you have her, Noelle. I wish I had gone to school with you. I would have been your defender,” he swore. “Quinn is a little fierce, but I get it. I knew she didn’t approve of me.”

  “She doesn’t trust easy. I suppose we have that in common.” Noelle defended Quinn. His best friend Chase had always seemed too polite toward her with no friendliness. Maybe they should have taken those as signs they were not meant to be.

  “Chase was never that friendly toward me either,” she reminded him. “Hank is nice to everyone, but I sensed Chase’s reserve.”

  “It wasn’t you,” Chance assured her. “He thought you were too sweet and gentle for me. He doesn’t realize how stubborn you can be or how strong you are underneath your classy exterior.”

  They finished up the dishes in silence both lost in the past somewhere. She was starting to feel comfortable around him again, and it was an alarming feeling. Not only had he been her lover but she had enjoyed his company, his enthusiasm for everything around him. She had lost him as a lover and a friend. Friends were not something she had a lot of. She always felt like she didn’t belong. Her parents made her feel unlovable, and when she had been in school, the kids had always teased her about not having anyone who wanted her.

  Polly peeked her head into the kitchen, interrupting the solemn mood. She wiggled a bright, hot pink scarf in the air. It had silver, glittery strands through the fabric. It matched her silver blouse. “Wish me luck, kiddos.”

  Chance laughed. “I see the game plan now. You’re going to blind the others with that scarf so they can’t see the cards or numbers.”

  Polly rolled her eyes and shook her head sadly. “Men just don’t get fashion do they Noelle?”

  “No, ma’am,” Noelle agreed, holding in her laughter. Polly waved and headed out the door.

  Chance led Noelle to the living room by the hand. He turned on the stereo and sat her on the couch next to him. He played with the strands of her hair. He looked at her with such a serious expression that she got nervous. “What?” she snapped out of nervousness.

  “I suppose it is too soon to make out?” he asked seriously, with an exaggerated pout.

  It was so unexpected that she burst into laughter and hit him with a couch pillow. “You pig.”

  “What?” He blocked the pillow with his arm. He gave her his best innocent look. “I was just asking. How else will you know what I want?”

  Noelle shook her head with a smile. He wrapped his arms around her, and she felt like she was wrapped in a warm blanket. She let out a happy sigh and put her legs under her after slipping off her shoes. She was weak, she had to admit. Too weak to pull away and have space between them on the couch. “Your mom’s food is so good. I think I ate too much.”

  “I’m glad you liked the food. You lost weight, and it concerns me,” he said softly.

  She looked up at him. His brown eyes reminded her of a cup of hot coffee. His hair was so short, and she was tempted to run her hands through it anyway. “I did. For a while everything I ate came back up until I just stopped eating altogether. Too much stress I suppose.”

  She wanted to tell him about the baby. But how? Blurt it out?

  “I’m sorry for the heartache I caused you, angel.” His voice was filled with real grief. He linked their fingers together, and his touch felt good. “I am so angry with myself.”

  “It wasn’t all you. I was upset about you and Carly. Every time I went into town people flocked to me wanting to know what went down between you, me, and Carly. Ques
tion after question. And of course Carly made me feel like I was the one getting in between you and her,” she said bitterly. Every time she thought she had a handle on her emotions she got dragged back into the past. “It was a horrible time because I had a secret of my own, and I held it in wishing I could yell it in their faces. I hated this town for a while and seriously thought about packing a suitcase and just disappearing.”

  His arm tightened around her. “God, Noelle. No wonder you look at me with such a deep sorrow. I ran into Quinn at the diner a few days after I got home. All I said was hello. She looked like she was thinking of picking up a knife and gutting me. I literally ran out of there with my burger.”

  Noelle choked down a laugh. Quinn was a loyal friend to Noelle. She had expressed her concerns about Noelle being hurt all over again.

  “What was your secret?” Such an innocent question. She sat up and missed the feeling of having his arms holding her. She took a deep breath and exhaled. Her heart was thumping wildly, it was all she could hear. She unconsciously put her hands on her stomach, feeling hollow. “I was pregnant. I don’t know how it happened. We always used condoms. I felt some panic at first. You were gone and I felt uncomfortable asking your mom how I could get in touch with you. I knew sooner or later you would be back.”

  He stayed silent for a minute, and she braced herself for anger or shouting. When none of that happened, she looked at him. His eyes were closed, and he had his elbows on his knees looking down at the carpet. He looked tortured when he finally looked at her. His eyes were filled with shock and tears. “Oh Jesus, Noelle. Why didn’t you have my mother get ahold of me? I would have come home to be with you.”

  “You had proved your feelings for me were not of the lasting kind. I caught you in the arms of another woman, and as much as it killed me, I survived. Knowing I had another living, breathing soul counting on me gave me strength to move forward. I loved our baby, Chance. For a short while, I had a reason to get out of bed and ignore the circus in town that Carly was causing.” She spit it all out quickly. She could feel the heaviness sitting on her chest like a cinderblock. Anytime she thought about their baby, she felt that way. She mourned heavily for what could have been. Losing their child had left a gaping hole in her heart that was still there. She wasn’t sure it would ever go away.

  “What happened to the baby?” he asked quietly. She could see how tense his body was.

  “I woke up bleeding and terrified. I called 911, and when I woke up, they told me my baby was gone. Just like that.” She snapped her fingers, standing up and grabbing a tissue from the coffee table. She wiped her tears away, but they were quickly replaced by another set. “It was as if someone had ripped my soul out, my reason for going on. I wanted that part of you forever. You were always leaving. I realized I couldn’t hold you, but I could have a piece of you to hold on to.”

  Noelle paced up and down. His tense silence was making her feel nervous. What was he thinking? Would he put the blame on her? She blamed herself.

  “I thought I was doing everything right. I allowed myself to build a new dream without you, but I would have a piece of you Carly didn’t have. Then, just like that, I found myself alone again. As always.” She could feel her throat swell up and a flood of tears start leaking out of her eyes. She couldn’t hold them back this time. Her vision became blurry. “My baby was gone, just like that. No chance to say good-bye. I had lost you and our child. It was too much. I stopped caring about anything.”

  He stood up and pulled her into his arms. She struggled against him, not wanting to be comforted. He was stronger and held her wiggling body until the fight left her. He buried his face in her neck, and she could feel his big body trembling. She didn’t know who cried first, but they held on to each other until the storm subsided.

  “Our baby. If I had known, I would have traveled a thousand miles to be with you, Noelle,” he swore, his voice trembling with emotion.

  She sobbed into his chest, not knowing what to say right now. Her brain was fuzzy, and she felt tired. His hands rubbed her back. “Your mom came to see me in the hospital, but I told her you didn’t need to know. What was the point? You were in the other side of the world, and you needed to concentrate. I wanted you safe, and we were over. I am not sure how many people know what happened besides Quinn and your mom. Slowly, the rumors faded away and people moved on to a new drama.”

  She could feel his tears on her neck, and she wrapped her arms around his waist. She had her time to cry. Now it was his turn. She held him and waited for him to be ready to look at her. When he did, she could see the devastation in his eyes. “I am a selfish bastard, Noelle. I left you all alone in a mess. I should have called you, but I was afraid you would hang up on me. And I have the nerve to waltz into town asking for one more chance. You should hate me.”

  “I told myself I did. I don’t. Maybe hate is easier to manage than love.” She had to be honest with him. They could not move past this if they didn’t get it out in the open.

  He put his hands on her cheeks, forcing her to keep eye contact with him. She was glad she didn’t wear makeup tonight. She would have been a scary mess.

  She hated to think of that horrible, cold night. She faced him so he could see her. She wanted him to understand why she couldn’t get involved with him again. It was just too painful. “I fell into a depression I am just getting out of. Now can you understand why I can’t just jump into a relationship with you like nothing ever happened? I can’t allow that black hole to consume me again.”

  It was hard for her to admit she had been in such a dark place. It was still a place she visited from time to time. “You always left. How long will this job last until you get bored and leave again? Or eventually you will get bored, and another woman will catch your eye. I can’t allow myself to be hurt like that again, Chance.”

  He looked so devastated and shocked by her bitterness. “I admit I didn’t stop to see our relationship from your point of view. I was always leaving, but this changed me, too, Noelle. I get it will take time to make you see I am sincere. I don’t want to leave again. That is a promise. I was selfish. I was so worried about having no one tell me what to do. God, I am a bastard, but I don’t lie, Noelle,” he muttered angrily.

  “I’m okay now, Chance. It was a long road to recovery, but I got better. I am good now. I swear,” she promised. She didn’t want him out of guilt, or because he saw her as some poor, needy woman. Life wasn’t always fun and easy. No one controlled life. It just happened, and you dealt with it the best way you could. She wanted to stand on her own and not always depend on him for her happiness. “Don’t pity me.”

  “I could never pity you, angel. You are strong and beautiful,” he swore sincerely, rubbing his thumb across her lips.

  She yawned. “I’m sorry. I still have trouble sleeping sometimes.”

  “Rest here with me on the couch.” He sat down and pulled her onto his lap despite her protest. Once she laid her head on his shoulder, her eyes felt too heavy to keep open. She felt his lips in her hair. “From now on I am going to make sure you eat and sleep properly.”

  Those were the last words she heard from him before she fell asleep.

  * * * *

  Chance sat in the armchair watching Noelle sleep on the couch. She looked so vulnerable in her sleep. He had covered her with a light blanket. She was in a deep sleep, and he knew she had to be exhausted. Every once in a while a little snore would escape her lips, and he found himself smiling like a fool. He held a beer in his hand, but so far he had only taken one sip. He was overwhelmed with so many emotions right now that his head was a jumbled mess. He could picture her round with his baby. He thought he’d never want that. The military had been his whole life, but he was getting tired of the coming and going even before he met Noelle. He just had been too stubborn to be honest with himself, and she had paid dearly for his mistakes. His deepening feelings for her had scared him. He wasn’t the heart and home type, but she was. He had convinced him
self that she was an adult and knew better than to expect too much from him. When he saw the seriousness in her eyes he had ignored it because he didn’t want to give her up either.

  Noelle had been a breath of fresh air to his strict lifestyle. The passion between them had been like an inferno consuming any common sense. It had been a raw desperation to have her all the time, to own her and possess her. He could see now the love he felt, but he refused to admit it out loud to her or himself. He thought he didn’t want his orderly life to change, but she had swept through it like a whirlwind. Yet he had never given her any romance or seduction. She could see why she thought all he felt for her was physical desire. She had been so open with her feelings, but he had such a severe hold on his feelings. Now he was back to stay, and he would have to prove to her he was sincere and here for the long haul.

  He had made a mistake thinking they needed breathing room. Hell no, his sweet angel needed to know he was here forever. He needed to bombard her with the knowledge she could depend on him. This time he would focus on taking care of her and making sure she was happy again. Friends? Yeah right. They could not be just friends. He would make her see that.

  He heard his mom’s key unlock the door. She walked in and set her purse down on the foyer table. She gave him a concerned glance. He had one small lamp on, but the rest of the house was dark and quiet. She saw Noelle asleep and came to the conclusion of what happened.

  “She told you about the baby?” she whispered.

  Chance nodded and stood up. He walked over to his mom and hugged her tightly. He was still shaken up by Noelle’s news and had shed plenty of tears on his own once Noelle fell asleep. “She told me you visited her at the hospital. I understand why you didn’t call me, but you could have told me once I got home.”

  “I promised her, Chance. I knew she would tell you on her own. Helen’s niece is a nurse at the hospital.” She spoke in a hushed tone, giving him a good squeeze before letting go. “She said Noelle was calling your name, and she was all alone. How could I not go and see her?” She walked toward the kitchen to get a bottle of water. She turned the light on and opened the fridge. “Later, her friend Quinn showed up. It’s tough to deal with. I cried my eyes out a few times.”